Marriage and Sex, Sacred or Sinful?


Will

I am writing today from the beautiful Tampa Bay area.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil…Isaiah 5:20

I occasionally hear people, both single and married,  tell demeaning jokes about marriage. For example, a Three Stooges fan told me about an episode where Moe asked someone, “Are you married or happy?” That’s a sad joke. Marriages should not be known for unhappiness. Marriage is a sacred gift from God. How would we like it if people made jokes about our valuable gifts?

While many of us are happily single, we can still appreciate happy marriages, and hurt with those in unhealthy marriages, instead of making jokes.

Marriage reminds us of the creation and our Creator, just as the Sabbath and the weekly cycle do. Even married atheists must somehow recognize that there must be some validity to the creation story in Genesis 1 and 2. Where else does the weekly cycle and marriage come from, except creation?

Let me share something else that concerns me. Sex also goes back to creation and is a gift from God. I often hear people refer to sex as bad when in fact it is a blessing from God. I am not being sacreligious when I say I don’t think anyone appreciates sex more than God. He invented it, and I believe He is happy when married couples enjoy good sex. There are many spiritual lessons to be found in healthy, sexual relationships. Some of these are seen in the book Song of Solomon. Just the fact that the Bible says that “Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived” Genesis 4:1 gives us an idea of what it means to really know someone, and how intimate a relationship Christ wants with us.

While the Bible is quite open and even graphic about sex and passion, in many of the cultures of today we are not comfortable with that. We focus more on pure Biblical love being a principle instead of a passion. I submit to you that pure Biblical love is both principle and passion. After all it was not just principle that made Adam and Eve conceive. When they knew each other it was a combination of principle and passion. When those combined, Adam and Eve produced more people. Do you think that if our church would add a little passion to our principles we also could produce more Christians? Our God is a God of principle but He also created us to be passionate! He is passionate. We don’t call the week before the crucifixion passion week for nothing. God created passion and sex to help us understand God and His love. He also gave us marriage, so we could see that passionate love also has principles and faithfulness. While Solomon wrote much about the principles of a Godly wife, He also wrote unashamedly, “ let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”  Proverbs 5:19

It may not seem like a big deal to you, but I think we give kids the wrong message about sex when we say, “That movie is bad because there is sex in it.” I think instead we should say, “That movie is bad, because there is immoral sex in it.” This way we make a distinction between God-sanctified sex and immoral sex.

People complain about the sex in today’s sitcoms. To me, what makes something appropriate or inappropriate is not just the subject, but how often the subject is addressed. The Cosby show was appreciated by many Christian homes. The subject of sex was rarely discussed, but there were a couple of episodes where it was discussed quite openly. Many Christian homes appreciated those episodes too because it was discussed tastefully and it was not discussed in every episode, so when it was introduced it was appreciated. The Cosby Show demonstrated how sex can be wholesome in its proper place.

We don’t need to be afraid of sex, nor do we have to be obsessed with it. Sex becomes inappropriate, like anything else, when it is discussed too much or in an inappropriate context. Like sex, death, money and other topics, it should be openly discussed, while keeping in mind that different people have different comfort levels when these things are discussed. One comfort level is not better than the other, but people are just different and react in different ways.

The way Paul writes about circumcision tells me this was not really a private matter at all to him. He even mentions Timothy by name as not wanting to be circumcised. Today some people would freak out if a person’s name was mentioned in such a discussion. In reading my Bible I have never found anything to make me believe that sex was a taboo subject as far as God is concerned. Moses wrote quite frankly about it, and I find no reason not to believe these words were read to the people in mixed company with children present.

A couple of years ago, a well known speaker by the name of Nancy Van Pelt, came to our church to speak about sexual purity. Parents had their children present to hear the much needed presentation. During the presentation I overheard an older gentleman sitting in the pew behind me, say to his wife, “They need to get the children out of here! She is talking about sex!” I chuckled to myself, because I knew children were her target audience.

A few years before that, a friend invited me to attend a men’s ministry seminar on sexual purity. The pamphlet said you had to be at least 17 to attend. I was a few decades over that. When we arrived at the seminar, we both were surprised to find that it was way more than a simple sexual purity seminar. It was more like a workshop for recovering sex addicts! During the seminar I listened to men talk about when their addictions began. Many began at age 11 or 12 or sooner. I remembered the brochure saying you had to be at least 17 to attend. I thought to myself, this does not make sense. The problems begin at 11 or 12 but you have to deal with it on your own until you are 17? No wonder there is so much sexual dysfunction in the world and church today!

Some people talk about how dirty shows are today, and say back in their day, Lucy and Ricky did not even sleep in the same bed. I have to be honest with you, and say that I don’t think that is practical either. I don’t think that really sends an appropriate message about sex and marriage to our young people. Like I said in an earlier post, we must avoid extremism. Taking sex to either extreme is from Satan, not from God.

There is a difference between sex and inappropriate sex, and there is an appropriate way to discuss sex openly and an inappropriate way. Sex is a part of life, and to me, a sitcom that pretends sex does not even exist is not any more healthy and just as extreme as a sitcom that obsesses on sex. When my parents told me about sex, they did it as easily and openly as when they told me how to change the oil in my car. Talking about car maintenance should not be awkward, and neither should talking about sex be awkward.

Back to marriage now. Marriage is a gift from God. While I am happily single, I am definitely open to being married some day. Meanwhile, I hurt when families hurt, and I am happy when I see happy, healthy marriages. I have observed that people in healthy marriages seem to be more outgoing and social, thus creating a greater blessing for the church and community, while unhealthy marriages tend to isolate the couple, thus robbing the church and community of the blessings they could be to it, and it cuts the couple off from receiving the blessings the church and community could be to them.

While God has given us the gift of marriage and sex, let’s not speak of them as bad or negative. Paul says that marriage is honorable, and sex within marriage is undefiled. See Hebrews 13:4  Do not call evil what God calls good. God has designed His gifts to be great blessings when properly appreciated.

Enjoy this week’s SS lesson on marriage at SSNET.

2 comments on “Marriage and Sex, Sacred or Sinful?

  1. Thank you for your special insights, William. I am in agreement with you. I have prayed, many times, as a wife, that my sexual union with my husband is pleasing to God and that we can glorify Him through it. That is his ideal, and I want His best! His purpose in sexual union (besides procreation!, duh) is that each person feels accepted, wanted, loved, and even more…whole, both emotionally and physically (we’re hearing it all the time, how healthy it is for us physically, and I am a believer, but only when it’s in the right context…marriage). Peace of mind and heart is what God wants for us. This union is symbolic of our relationship with Him.
    Thx for dealing with what some may feel is a sensitive topic. I’m glad you have balanced views and I pray you will find a special person to share your life with intimately. Bless you, brother!

  2. Hi William!
    …. sex… should be openly discussed. When I grew up, it wasn’t discussed and anything I learned was learned the hard way. It’s not just the physical concept of sex that I find important. As Catherine said, sex is also about feeling loved, wanted, accepted and special. Every parent should do their best to make their children know that they are very special and they should wait for the proper time before giving their hearts to anyone.
    So when my son grew up, I found a couple of wonderful books to tell the sex story. My son asked at four years old and several times after that and I tried to help him to know how special he was. When he was about fifteen, he didn’t want to hear anything more. Now our three year old grand daughter has already asked and I used the same books.
    So much heart ache and misery could be spared if there were healthy, open, communicative, loving relationships in the home.
    Great post and thanks very much!

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