Coaching and Mentoring Vs. Grooming

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I am writing tonight from the beautiful Tampa Bay area.

A while back I was watching my favorite show at the time, Unsolved Mysteries. This episode was about a young boy who was mentored by a young man. Since it was Unsolved Mysteries, where we’re often told to call the 1-800-876-5353 number (still works btw) to catch the bad guys, I was bracing myself for the turn in the story, when the man would harm the boy. That time never came. Instead the boy, grown, was using the show to find his mentor, to thank him for being such a great friend in his time of need. It turned out to be a heart warming story about an adult mentoring a child.

Sadly the media often shares the horror stories which have made a couple of my friends, both male and female, afraid to mentor children, even though they would make amazing mentors to worthy young people, like the boy in the Unsolved Mysteries story. The horror stories, sadly mostly true, that get passed from church to church, scare legitimate mentors away from helping children as well. They do not want their intentions to be misconstrued.

This week at school, I heard an excellent discussion about child safety, which mentioned grooming. Grooming is where an adult with ill intentions, over time gains the trust of a child, only to abuse that trust. During the talk, it occurred to me, exactly why some would-be great mentors refuse to mentor. Is it possible to them, mentoring and grooming look alike? After all Satan has to have his counterfeit for everything good. He knows how vitally important mentoring is, so he wants his counterfeit, grooming to look like mentoring. This gives him a double victory. He can destroy innocent lives through grooming, and make good people afraid to mentor for fear they will be considered groomers. As a matter of fact, before I started writing this, I Googled, “Mentoring and grooming,” and found this website saying that grooming and mentoring are synonyms! That gave me a hunch that I may be on to something.

So I thought it might be a good idea if potential mentors could have a clear picture of mentoring, and a clear picture of grooming, so they could tell them both apart. I realize I am not an authority on the subject, so I would like to paint a picture of both just to get the ball rolling, and hopefully some people a lot more skilled than I am can chime in and agree or disagree and add some insight. Here goes:

Mentoring: A coach works with a group of children and other adult coaches to give each child a sense of belonging to the group and community. When a particular child needs extra coaching, the parents and/or child approaches the coach, and the coach gives the extra one-on-one instruction on the group site, only as requested and needed. The goal of the coach is to get the child back into the group mainstream. The coach networks to get the child the help he/she needs. If Sally needs extra help memorizing her Sabbath School memory verse, the coach will share tips, like word associations, and then encourage other students and/or coaches to practice with Sally. The coach wants Sally to feel like she is a valued part of the community, and trains Sally to be a useful and healthy member of the group and community. Mentoring is community driven and social in nature.

Grooming: A coach meets a child in a group, but then isolates the child from the group, under the guise that the child needs extra and “special” training that only he/she can give. He/she may even claim that Sally should not be working with others, as she may become “confused” by the tips others may give along with the tips he/she provides. The coach wants Sally to feel like she is special when she is around her/him, instead of feeling special to the entire group. Instead of training Sally to be a healthy member of the group and community, the coach teaches Sally to rely on her/him and the special instruction only she/he can give. Grooming is one-on-one driven, and is isolating in nature.

Does this make sense? Does this help? I hope together, we can give a clear picture of what healthy mentoring looks like, as boys and girls can use, not one or two, but many positive male and female mentors in their lives. The more the merrier-and the healthier!

Modesty: It’s Not About Sex, It’s About the Holy Spirit

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I am writing today from beautiful Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Then they came to Jesus, and saw the one who had been demon-possessed and had the legion, sitting and clothed and in his right mind. Mark 5:15 NKJV

When the demoniac became converted, he was clothed and in his right mind. So today, the closer we come to Jesus the more appropriately we dress. In Genesis 3 when Adam realized he was naked, he tried to make a garment of fig leaves, and work out a way to cover his nakedness. As always man’s works failed. God covered Adam’s nakedness with animal skins, meaning an animal had to die to cover his shame. This pointed Adam to the cross, where Jesus would die to cover our nakedness. I believe we grieve the Holy Spirit when we refuse to acknowledge our nakedness physically and spiritually. The demoniac was physically naked (Luke 8:27) and so was Adam (Genesis 3). When they both met God they both became clothed. So physical clothing is a part of the gospel. One way we show the Holy Spirit has convicted us of our need of a Savior is by dressing appropriately.

When we let Jesus’ righteousness cover our naked souls we also cover our naked bodies. This is what happened in the Bible with Adam and the demoniac.

Jesus’ message to Laodicea draws a close parallel between physical nakedness and spiritual nakedness.

… you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed. Revelation 3:17-18 NKJV

When the Holy Spirit convicts us of the need of a Savior, to cover our spiritual nakedness, we dress appropriately physically as well. By dressing inappropriately what we are saying is “I don’t need a Savior.” This greatly grieves the Holy Spirit!

While the Bible uses men illustrating the need for modesty, we usually use women today. We talk about how men are stimulated by sight so women need to be careful how they dress. In discussions on modestly, you can always count on a woman saying she dresses modestly to keep men from lusting at her. It doesn’t sound modest at all. It sounds arrogant and assuming. It takes the focus off of the cross, placing it on sex instead. I have listened to Christian people talking about modesty, in a way, that would make you think sex was the focus of their life instead of the cross of Jesus.

When we accept the Holy Spirit, and acknowledge our need of a Savior, we dress appropriately, because we sense the presence of God. Truly modest people don’t assume their beauty is a stumbling block. When we are truly modest, meek and poor in spirit, we cover up, because we realize people need to see less of us and more of Jesus. Our dress is not in response to who may or may not be turned on. Our dress is in response to the Holy Spirit telling us we need a Savior. After all, the Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus, those who have the Holy spirit, glorify Jesus in their words, actions and dress. When we do so we make the Holy Spirit happy!

You may study this week’s SS lesson here. 

“In the Spirit”

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I am writing today from the beautiful Tampa Bay area.

God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.  John 4:24

I am sure that you have friends that no matter how long you are apart from them, once you get together, your friendship resumes right where it left off, as though you had never been apart. This may sound weird, but maybe in one dimension you never were apart! We have physical dimensions such as time and space, but have you ever thought that there is another dimension we can be in that is not bound by time or space? To me, that dimension is the Holy Spirit. I believe why many of our Christian friendships take up right where they left off even after long periods of no physical contact is because we have actually been together the whole time “in the Spirit!”  Why do those friendships take up right where they left off as though no time has passed by? Because we are in the great “ I AM”. With God there is no time. He is in one eternal Now. He is not the “I WAS” or “ I WILL BE”, He is the I AM.  Same with space, The Holy Spirit is everywhere. The Holy Spirit is with our Christian friends, so if we are in the Spirit and our friends are in the Spirit then we are together.

As a matter of fact, all the love we receive from our friends actually comes from the Holy Spirit. Therefore, when I left my friends in Texas and went to Florida and made new friends there, I still received the exact same love I had in Texas. Love does not come form human beings. We can not generate love; all we can do is let the Holy Spirit’s love flow through us. Therefore, the love I receive from people half way across the world is the same exact love I receive from the people I live with right here. It all comes form God. So as long as you have God’s love you can’t miss a friends love, because the only love they gave you came from God and He is still with you!

I am so thankful for all my friends whom I can share God’s love with! Thank you all, who are my friends on SSNET, as well as my offline friends, for being a part of my life. I hope God has been able to love you through me as we worship Him in Spirit.