Texting or Calling When A Loved One Dies

Arkansas River

I am writing today from beautiful Tulsa, Oklahoma.

A few years ago, when a friend of mine lost her mother, she would text me. I tried to call, to be more personable, but it seemed right after the loss, all she wanted to do was text. After my recent loss I get it now.

  1. Immediately after the death of a loved one, there are many arrangements to be made. You are very busy and physically and emotionally drained. It is easier to text someone while in a conference with the funeral home director than it is to take a phone call.
  2. It is easier to text and cry at the same time than it is to talk and cry at the same time. I am not embarrassed to cry over the phone. That is not the point. It is just that crying and talking at the same time is not as effective as texting and crying at the same time.
  3. Right after the death of a loved one, you have a lot to process emotionally. You want to be in contact with those you love and you need their support. Texting on your time table allows you to be more in control of the process instead of answering the phone whenever it rings.

So, if I did not answer the phone when you called immediately after my mother died please do not take offense, and please do not think that your thoughtfulness was not appreciated-it was! I would have never known it was better to text than call right after a friend loses a close loved one until it happened to me. I get it now. Chances are though that some people may actually prefer a call instead of a text. If so please comment and share your feelings below.